How to steal a TTC bus.

Sometimes when my wife drops off our three-year-old at daycare and tells him that I am coming to pick him up at night, he asks that we go home on the bus. This opposed to the bike trailer. He loves the bus because of all the freedom he has on it. Everything else he rides on, including the bike trailer, demands that he be harnessed in.

Buying him a bus is just way out of my budget. While riding on my morning commutes I have been seeing how easy it would be to steal one. A possible solution to my son’s desire to ride on the bus.

Here is how it would be done.

All you need to do is cruise Danforth Avenue between Victoria Park and Chester between five and six in the morning. You will find at least a half dozen buses temporarily abandoned by their drivers. They even leave the buses idling with keys in them so they can belch out even more exhaust. Yes, yes it is contrary to the law, and common sense for that matter, to leave a running motor vehicle alone, but who cares, this is a free bus we are talking about. Depending on the model of bus sometimes the front door will be left open or the driver would leave a small window open so he could reach in and press the switch to open the door. I suggest, if you want to be really stealthy, taking a few bus rides and observing where the switch is but really I do not think it would be that hard to find. So all you now need to do is hop in, buckle in and your are off. Same controls as a car. You have a free bus. Do not worry too much about the driver noticing. The whole reason they leave the bus there in the first place is to get their Tim Horton’s coffee. You will have a 10 minute head start on them before they even notice. Before they call the cops they will call their union office to see how to best protect themselves from blame. That will give you at least another 30 minutes to get some distance.

Been thinking about this myself but there are some huge, pardon the pun, problems. Most problematic would be parking the bus in my driveway, it would be a dead giveaway that I stole a bus. Then there is the problem of being charged for stealing the bus, unlike stealing a bicycle you can get serious jail time for stealing a motor vehicle… especially a TTC bus. I guess getting a lecture from my son about setting a poor example by stealing a bus for him would not be too pleasant either.

One final thought before you go and steal that bus. Please make sure you do not go and hurt anyone during your joyride. Many innocent people are injured or killed in Canada by motor vehicles who’s owners left their key in them. A cyclist was killed last year when its owner left the keys to his unlocked truck in the ashtray.

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